Seattle 2015 - Who am I really????

I posted these photo's a couple a weeks ago while I tried to decide what I was gong to write about them and the experience with intuitive painting.  My mind really wasn't in it and I could not figure out why.  In fact I really did not feel like doing a lot.  I had a lot of obligations that I had to keep up with and I kind of walked through them on auto-pilot.  What was the problem?

I finally figured it out.  Two days after I returned from my wonderful trip to Seattle, I had to go for my yearly Mammogram.  This mammogram is very important because it helps to tell if any tumors have surfaced since the last one.  I was completing year 4 of my journey through breast cancer.

My appointment with my Surgical Oncologist was scheduled for Oct. 7th.  So I had to wait two weeks to get the results.  Let me tell you that those two weeks are really nerve-wracking.  I felt good, but then I felt good 4 years ago so that is not a really good barometer.  I did not want to portray a lack of faith, so I pretty much waited quietly praying for positive results, and getting myself spiritually and emotionally prepared if the new was not good.

Oct. 7th finally came and the news was good.  "See you next year" my doctor said as she left the room.  I shed some happy tears, another year clear---moving toward year 5 and all of its implications.

Today, I felt drawn to comment on these paintings

Mountains of the Southwest

Do you see me now

First, I have NEVER named my paintings, but felt called to do so.  Mountains of the Southwest is painted on a 24x24 canvas is a depiction of the Mountains I see everyday.  The mountains surrounding Las Vegas do not have vegetation and yet they are majestic and beautiful.  I have never painted a scene like this before, but, I thoroughly enjoyed this process and want to do it again.

Do You See Me Now is one of those "where did that come" from paintings.  I was having so much fun with this canvas, putting on paint, spritzing with water and letting it drip.  Then I saw a face with haunting eyes,  I put gesso on the area to block out the face and body shape.  I decided to spritz some more and the black drip went onto the face.  ARGGGGH and Oops.!!!!  I wiped the black like off the forehead and added more gesso to the face.  I looked at the black drip on the cheek and it look like a tear drop, it touched me and I decided it had to stay. So I added on more black and dark paint to move the body into the background and let the face be the focal point.  As I think about it, this painting is very personal and shows the impact of the past 4 years.  The part of me I never let people see.  Most of my paints are bright and cheerful. However, there are times when I do not feel bright and cheerful, when I feel vulnerable and afraid, when tears roll down my cheeks.

I am finally beginning to understand releasing your feelings in your work.  When you are not thinking  about it, it happens.  I have this yearning, this feeling that things are about to change, that I will begin to see life through a different lens.  I do not know what this all means, but between October 8, 2015 and Oct. 7th 2016 I plan to find out.

Thanks for visiting and watch this space........pilgrim